Thursday, 29 January 2009

• A Letter to Her

       I couldn't sleep today.  I am sitting here writing this to you wondering about what could have been.  A lifetime has passed since you and I.  Our love was unplanned and unexpected and extremely taboo.  I keep re-playing that last day in my head as I watched you walk into the airport terminal with tears in your eyes.  The emtiness I felt at that moment has yet to be filled again.  I wish I would have called to you and kept you from leaving.  I have lived with that regret for years.  We both knew at that time we could not continue for many reasons.  Those reasons seemed justifiable at that time.  If I knew then what I know now about the outcome of my life, I would have never let you get away.  I would have held on to what has been the only true love I have ever known.  
       We were so perfect for eachother.  We had everything in common and needed nothing more than eachother.  Do you remember the days we would drive four hours to the beach just to watch the sunset and spend the night talking on the sand?  Do you remember the nights we spent outside laying in the grass and looking up at millions of stars?  We didn't even have to talk.  We knew.  We knew that what we had found in eachother was pure and true.  We held hands and smiled in silence content to just be together.  Sometimes I can still feel your hands on my face and your lips on mine.  My fingers have grown cold without having your body to warm them.  It never mattered what we did as long as we did it together.   We sat outside on that bench drinking beer and laughing all night long so many times.  We would spontaeously take off for the mountains and camp for days at a time.  The picture of your face glowing by the campfire has been seared into my mind forever.  Nothing we did was ever wrong or stupid or childish for only one reason:  We were always together and that was all that mattered.
       No one ever loved me the way you did.  No one was as good to me as you were.  I wish I knew how to find you now because I could sure use a friendly face.  You were the only one who ever really understood who I am.  You were the only one who never hurt me.  You were the only one who never made me feel like an idiot for my feelings and emotions.  I do not recognize this world anymore and I do not understand why people are the way they are. Maybe though it's not people.  Maybe it's me.  Either way, I am confused and I wish I could find you.
       I miss you...    

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